Day 697 Locked Up
By Rafael F.J. Alvarado
Ex-cellmate
Fighting with new cellmate
Saw it coming
–don’t care
some have
a lot coming
they don’t realize
who they are
even after
people tell them
shit
doesn’t ever
know how bad
it smells
no time for tears
January 17 2014
By Rafael F.J. Alvarado
call Melissa
some days i get away without a lingering tear in my eyes
some days,
today wasn’t
one of those days
tell myself
over & over no one
will see my cry
not here
i told myself years
ago
i want to fall into someone
let them hold me
till all the tears i have never cried come out
i never did that with Melissa i should have
there was always a reason
to hide
to not let
show
the pain that i been carrying for years
then she was pregnant
i needed to be ready to be a father
there was no time for tears
now locked up
i wont cry here
maybe when i see Melissa & max
the first when i get home
it will all come out
Probation Mediation
By Rafael F.J. Alvarado
Woke up around 5:45
to the sounds of Sam Cooke singing cupid
Instead of focusing on the song
I think about what Sam Cooke might have been
thinking before he died
last two months death has followed me around
poking at me
not leaving me alone
when I was in jail
at one point I felt like I was dying
I didn’t ask for help
I kept quiet
till the feeling left
don’t know why but feelings get more intense
before & after I see my P.O.
I drink to much coffee
I don’t sleep much
then again I don’t dream much
on the bus ride to see my P.O.
I think about the moon being full & still out at 7 10
I take the 720 down wilshire
always think bout Regan as I pass her old work
how could someone call me an angel
& just give up on me
how can anyone say anything
if they don’t mean it
always the thought of handcuffs
as I travel
as I get closer
I know I haven’t been making all my payments that the
court
ordered
I don’t want to be in a cage again
no one really knows
about my time inside
even though it was only four months
pussy time
not much time at all
enough time to realize whats important
still of off center
not close to where I want to be
so close to the edge of the world
where everything falls & gets lost
Rafael F.J. Alvarado is the force behind a gazillion SoCal-based poetry projects.
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