Philosophy 101
By John McKernan
It is time class to learn Assyrian Esperanto Swahili
Latin and the other languages of the future
Stalin needs our support against Hitler
Some critical reviews of these noxious Orwell books
will help enormously
A scholarship to Chariot School or an apprenticeship
in a whip braiding program
Great buys today on telegraphs thalidomide Super
sales on covered wagons
Show me that Northwest Passage and then try to coax
that chimp down from the tree
This war will end all future wars
We want cars with even greater speed
Behold Table cloths of gossamer Kitchen tables
of petrified wood
The bullets for Che Guevara’s carbine The whetstone for
his Bowie Knife
Who says human sacrifice did not improve crop yields?
Stiff taxes on braids & beards & pony tails
Consequential surtaxes on every melody or song
Even humming
Why is the pilot drinking vodka?
Why believe a weather report prepared by a fawning
friend?
Plant the zinnia seeds at the exact center of each ice
cube
The azaleas will grow on a chrome muffler
Always spend more money than you have Always
Leave large tips for inconsequential politeness and
needless services
It is important to kill all the gods All of them
Mortuaries everywhere
That includes spider gods Gopher divinities
Transcendent clouds
Nature loves us We are one with Nature Friends
Again No sun screen ever No sunglasses except
for naps in the shade
General Custer Allow me to introduce you to Robert
McNamara
He will be your diving coach and will show you how
to operate the Edsel
Don’t you want someone following you around wherever
you go?
Think of your mom and how good you felt wearing a
life preserver
Here let me give you some more air
There is your portion of sunlight Don’t use it all up in
the morning
What do you mean? Speed limit
What does that word even mean? Limit
Where do you think the rules go when your father
leaves the room?
Never to understand arctic flowers
Never to truly understand drinking water from
glacier ice
Why won’t that movie theater accept my rubles?
I want two tickets to this movie about Freedom One
for each eye
You really need another plate of guilt A large helping
Think about the behavior of your great great great
great grandfather
Throw in several wayward uncles and cousins also
I will trade you two sexual guides for eleven historical
guilts
Approximate the truth That’s what poems are for
Why can’t we all get back to hating each other like we
used to?
Why do you want my car My computer My pay
check My thoughts
Why not? What are you afraid of? The journey?
The new foods? Lack of friends & sleep?
You began in diapers You will end in diapers
The cooing will be replaced by heavy breathing
Bring back all the childhood games Put them in a
large pile Set them on fire
Ashes from scarred scribbled letters will read your
future better than tea leaves
John McKernan grew up in the middle of Omaha, Nebraska, in the middle of he USA. He is now a retired comma herder after teaching 41 years at Marshall University He lives — mostly — in West Virginia, where he edits ABZ Press His most recent book is a selected poems collection, Resurrection of the Dust. He has published poems in The Atlantic Monthly, The Paris Review, The New Yorker, Virginia Quarterly Review, The Journal, Antioch Review, Guernica, Solstice and many other magazines.
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